Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

Oh boy, we're going there

Dear daughter,

You’ve probably heard lots of opinions about this verse already, but I’m not sure you’ve heard my take. And my take might surprise you, I mean, I think this is one of the most beautiful passages in the Bible.

Now, where does the Bible say wives should submit to their husbands? And isn’t that old fashioned and, and, bad, in so many ways?

Well, let’s take it one step at a time. The Apostle Paul wrote that statement in a letter to the church at Ephesus. You’ll find it in the book of Ephesians, Chapter Five, verse twenty-two.

I prefer the wording in the New American Standard version, quoted below, plus the remaining verses in the chapter:

²² Wives, subject yourselves to your own husbands, as to the Lord. ²³ For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. ²⁴ But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.

²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, ²⁶ so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, ²⁷ that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. ²⁸ So husbands also ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; ²⁹ for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, ³⁰ because we are parts of His body. ³¹ For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. ³² This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. ³³ Nevertheless, as for you individually, each husband is to love his own wife the same as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.

At first reading, I’m sure it still shocks. Particularly in these days, when everyone is supposed to be their own person, but most especially women. Girl power, and such. But make no mistake, this was a shocking text, even to the first readers way, way back in the day. Yes, revolutionary, then and now.

But what if I told you this passage, this chapter, in fact the whole book of Ephesians is about something else. It’s critical to have the full context of what Paul is talking about. I think, all throughout the book of Ephesians, Paul is explaining how good Jesus is, and how fantastic a gift He has given to us, His children, and candidly, how life changing this knowledge should be to each of us. So when reading this passage, focus on Jesus. Keep you eyes fixed on Him, and what the author is trying to reveal about Him.

When I read this passage, I don’t see Paul trying to give marriage advice. I don’t see Five Ways to have a happy marriage. Or how to be a good wife, or husband, either. Instead, I see Paul saying things like “as Christ…”, or “just as Christ did…”.

Let’s back up to the end of Chapter 4 real quick: “Be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.”

Now let’s look at the beginning of Chapter 5: “Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children; and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma.”

Do you see it, too? The focus on God’s Grace, and because of His Grace, the encouragement to live differently. To live our new lives in the light of His love and forgiveness.

Now, let’s zoom out a little. Reread the Eph. 5:22-33 again. Does it look different now? It did for me. What I see now is a call to husbands and wives to love, care, serve each other differently, because of Jesus. Not because women are second class people (which is false, of course). But because Jesus is amazing; so wives, love your husbands like nobody else does. Like a revolutionary. And husbands, because Jesus is amazing, love your wives like nobody else does. Yes, like a revolutionary. Reflect Jesus love for you into your spouse.

What Paul is saying is to love differently in light of Christ way of loving us. Love in a new, culturally unnatural way. Not a demanding, serve me, my way or the highway kind of love (which isn’t even love), but love in the way of Grace. Give unmerited favor to your spouse, because this is what God has given you through Jesus Christ. It’s real, so live like it. And this is why I say this is one of the most beautiful passages in the Bible.

Love,

Dad